09/29/2012 Saturday

Good Morning.
We’re up before GOD again….
I am coping with “family gossip” afterlash effects. It is hurting deeply and bringing gushes of heart breaking tears outta me. I will someday find peace again… meanwhile, I am fighting the urge to lash back at senseless words spoken from a person who just wasn’t thinking about anyone but herself as she tried to cover up her not knowing so many things she needed to know on how to survive alone in this world. Fear makes people lash out, may God forgive me for forgetting. It’s like a sick animal. I went where so many others feared to go. egads, I am fearless now…. since her mean remarks, my body has retaliated into spasms that even my meds can’t handle, and put me in pain. My water pipes are STILL being worked on … I need alone time to re-group and ask GOD for help.
My cousin called a few minutes prior to coming over last night for the planned babysitting gig she’d asked me to do, to say she didn’t feel like it and was going to take Tasha to see her daddy in jail tomorrow. The kid is 5yo. HR and CPS have told her this isn’t a good idea but she argues. I simply reminded her and said that’s all I have to say, nothing else… and I meant it. I do not want to talk about her kid. I don’t like gossiping either. I spent my time doing something constructive while she “inhaled”. I may have to back out of her life while no one else will help her that we’re aware of…. I guess she’ll survive. I did … when my biodad dumped me in the wilderness telling the entire family some fabricated story, leaving me alone to find my way. And, they all did shun me. I didn’t deserve what he did to me & my son. God showed me how to get outta there and I didn’t forgive biodad who, when he found out I was getting up on my feet, decided he better ask forgiveness, I SAID NO. I’ve not spoken to him again, nor intend to. Some things are best left alone. That cruelness will never heal. Cousin comes from that family line. Her words reminded me too closely … it’s like quicksand, struggle and you never get out. GOD throws you a line and you can be free of it. … Since my MVA in ’00, many things were left behind when I took HIS hand and got out of that car. Heartache like I am feeling now caused from stupid humans was one of them. I pray I never said anything to hurt a teacher who intended to help me, like I just got hurt. Nor anyone who ever gave me any money when I was desperate broke….
Enough pity me doesn’t help so, let’s get on with our day. Alex, the plumber is going to be here later, when GOD decides to get us all really going after the sun comes up. Meanwhile, most of this is just nightmarish recaps. Where’s the coffee? just did my NyQuil for spasms, reg meds safe to mingle with it, so I may get a couple of hours more sleep before the house gets active again. My car isn’t ready yet, seems they can’t find the paperwork where we paid them a couple of years ago to do the front end work so I may have to re-pay for that. oh fun. To get this car on the road, I may do that. I am getting disabled enough that little cars are hard to get in/out of, I just don’t bend too good anymore. I may not be driving too many more years and would like it to be in style. I think Lori is still texting son cause he keeps getting texts and frowning. That may go on till I die too. I am tired from spasms that hurt. I have a dr appt tm and plan on talking to her about this. She’d said she thought more was going on with me than what was showing in the records from my other doctor. Blood work will bring up some. True. But, that doesn’t say “nerves or crazy family situation” cousin wanted to put on some of her papers “lots of emotional stress” and I laughed asking if she wanted to talk to a Psychiatrist. Her eyes got hugh. I told her that’s the phrase key word to trigger a request unless the dr oversteps his specialty or goes out of his area. She changed her wording.  Seems she IS afraid of those doctors.
I pray for you all. It’s not easy to make a peaceful life since the Devil is so good at keeping things stirred up. My stepmother used to preach regular. An aunt, on Mom’s side who used to be a heavy party-girl turned Bible-thumping preacher did too. It was laughable to me. They almost made “Praise the Lord!” a joke. Ma & Pa made it respectible and honorable. My intentions for everyone is they find the peace GOD intended. I’ve seen it first hand and it is real nice. I wanna go back but have to wait to be called….
Please have a nice day, share a smile, thank God for each day given you. Speak words that don’t have to be taken back cause once spoken, they are gone forever, branded on someone else’s memory. That goes both ways!- the good n the bad! now go forth and balance the world, for GOD, and let Him rest a little … the devil’s been real busy lately.

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